The Daily Muddle

Have you thought about giving Facebook the ax?  Because I have.  A lot.  Let’s start with my Facebook story to give you some background.  At first I abstained from Facebook when it was released my senior year of college thinking it was just a fad and that it didn’t have any real benefits (more on this in a second).  I didn’t sign up to the chagrin of many and I didn’t sign up for awhile.  It wasn’t until September of last year that I took the plunge.  It obviously wasn’t a fad, I had been out of school for awhile and was hoping to get in touch with some old friends, all the cool kids were doing it – it just seemed that it was time….no more reason to hold out.  So I signed up and you know what – I really really liked it.  I got in touch with some old friends, posted a few pictures, checked up on a few people (I mean…it’s Facebook) and for awhile it was great.  It was doing exactly what I wanted it to do.

The problem came after a few months when more and more of my life was making its way onto Facebook.  See at first, I thought I could control what was put on Facebook about me.  I soon realized that I didn’t.  Sure, I can control all the settings of who can view my profile and so forth, but that’s not gonna stop people from posting pictures of me, commenting on these pictures, and writing on my wall.  I go out….you know what happens when you go out….people take pictures…then people put those pictures on Facebook.  I have no control over this and I don’t like it….at all.  It’s not that anything bad has been posted about me, but it’s the potential that down the line something will be posted (that probably isn’t even meant to be harmful) that I really don’t want on there.  Coinciding with this, Facebook seems a little intrusive for me.  I mean, there is a reason the term “Facebook Stalking” exists.  I don’t really understand why people feel the need to divulge scores of private information about themselves that should only be privy to a small amount of their closest friends and family.  And don’t even get me started on the “In a Relationship” or “________ is now single” updates or people who decide to have a conversation via posting on each other’s walls for the whole world to see.

I guess where I am really struggling is that I’m failing to see what Facebook brings to my life.  At first it was great.  It did exactly what I wanted it to – I got in touch with old friends and reminicsed about the old times.  This was fantastic.  But you know what?  I don’t do that anymore – I caught up with old friends…..I have their phone numbers and email addresses and that’s all I need now.  I rarely go on anymore and when I do get the occasional email that I’ve been tagged in a photo or someone has written on my wall….I don’t get excited…I cringe at what the possibilities are.

It isn’t all bad – I mean – I think there are a few redeeming qualities to Facebook.  The potential that Facebook has to connect people cannot be denied.  Breaking down barriers with who can communicate with who is something that has to be supported and cultivated.  The potential for people halfway across the world to find out that they do in fact have many of the same interests is something that could bring everyone closer together (this isn’t a post about that though).  Unfortunately, at this point in the game, Facebook isn’t really being used for this.  It’s being used for more shallow purposes, shall we say.

Maybe I am being too pessimistic or too concerned about it all, but even if I am…..I’m still struggling with why Facebook benefits me.  I think most people would consider themselves busy individuals and I’m not sure time spent on Facebook checking up on others is time well spent.  So if in the future you see me disappear from Facebook….well now you know why.  Maybe I’ll join again in 5 years and catch up with some friends, but after a few months I fear I’d be having the same reservations.  I’d love to hear your opinions….does anyone agree with me?  Disagree?  Think I’m crazy?  Not want to be my friend anymore (in real life or online)?

**UPDATE**

Thanks to Emily (don’t you just love the irony of that link…because I do) Bill Simmons discusses the Facebook/Twitter topic today in his mailbag.  Enjoy.

Q: Can you think of the sports equivalent of the spouses of buddies whose Facebook friend-request you accepted who constantly update their status on the topic of taking care of their kids? Like “Jenn is watching her little ones nap” and “Sarah is playing ‘Bob the Builder’ with her kids! Yay!” As a 28-year-old unmarried man, it’s not that I don’t appreciate females or motherhood, it’s just that I don’t care. For the same reason that I don’t update my status with “Kully just put on jock itch cream.”
– Kully, Guangzhou, China

SG: Wouldn’t the sports equivalent be like ending up with an undesirable throw-in for an NBA trade (aka Marcus Banks)? The more interesting angle for me is how Twitter and Facebook reflect where our writing is going thanks to the Internet. In 15 years, writing went from “reflecting on what happened and putting together some coherent thoughts” to “reflecting on what happened as quickly as possible” to “reflecting on what’s happening as it’s happening” to “here are my half-baked thoughts about absolutely anything and I’m not even going to attempt to entertain you,” or as I like to call it, Twitter/Facebook Syndrome. Do my friends REALLY CARE if I send out an update, “Bill is flying on an airplane finishing a mailbag right now?” (Which is true, by the way.) I just don’t think they would. I certainly wouldn’t. That’s why I refuse to use Twitter.

As for Facebook, I don’t mind getting status updates and snapshots of what my friends’ lives are like — even if “Bob the Builder” is prominently involved — as long as they aren’t posting 10 times a day or writing something uncomfortable about their spouse/boyfriend like “(Girl’s name) is … trying to remember the last time she looked at her husband without wanting to punch him in the face” or “(Girl’s name) is … just going to keep eating, it’s not like I have sex anymore.” Keep me out of your personal business, please. Other than that, the comedy of status updates can be off the charts. Like my college classmate who sends out status updates so overwhelmingly mundane and weird that my buddies and I forward them to each other, then add fake responses like, “(Guy’s name) … snapped and killed a drifter tonight” and “(Guy’s name) … would hang myself if the ceilings in my apartment weren’t too short.” It kills us. We can’t get enough of it. We have been doing it for four solid months. And really, that’s what Facebook is all about — looking at photos of your friend’s kids or any reunion or party, making fun of people you never liked and searching for old hook-ups and deciding whether you regret the hook-up or not. That’s really it. All in all, I like Facebook.

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